Welcome

by Jay O'Connell on November 8, 2009

Hello. I’m a freelance designer / writer / illustrator / web guy living in Cambridge, MA, available for freelance work, off-site or on, hourly or fixed-bid.

If you’re interested in my recent work, check out the design, photo and logo tabs above. Lately, I’ve been buildings sites using self-hosted Wordpress and Wordpress Thesis, a platform that allows for the rapid creation and easy upkeep of professional looking websites.

So poke around, and contact me if you want to talk about a project. I’m good at creating starter-sites rapidly, from logo / identity, through content creation and site launch / SEO.

Get a free hour consult if you found me through my website!

I also write satire, which will soon have its own site, The Vidalia; like the Onion, only milder, sweeter, and crunchier. If the satire bothers you, feel free to hire someone else.


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Apple Unveils “iShrink” application. Diminutive Jobs Extolls Virtues of “Getting Small.”

January 27, 2010

CUPERTINO, CA.—Apple CEO Steve Jobs stunned the computing world today when instead of announcing a new tablet based computer, he instead touted ‘ishrink,’ an application which he used on stage to reduce himself 50% in size. Clutching a relatively enormous iPhone, Jobs explained that in most workplaces, half-sized humans would be an economical, not to [...]

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Jesus returning to Earth carrying New Apple Tablet

January 25, 2010

CUPERTINO, CA—Most industry analyst concur that the introduction of the much-anticiapted Apple table this Wednesday will in all likelihood trigger the rapture and the return of Jesus Christ to Earth.
“A 10 inch color touch-screen mobile device was foretold in the book of revelations,” said Fiona Barkbiter, a biblical scholar at the Inbred Institute for Bible [...]

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What this Site’s Flatline Teaches Me About The Web Today

January 25, 2010

I have a google analytics account which I use to monitor activity on the half dozen sites I’m involved with in some way. Analytics is a fancy term for a fancy version of what we used to call ‘hit tracking’ or ‘log analysis.’ This new generation of software is much more accurate than the old [...]

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Colorado Businessman flees accident with mystery woman; No one cares

December 1, 2009
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BOULDER, CO—Jeremy Epstein a prominent Boulder area small business person, recently fled the scene of a minor accident and avoided talking to the police for over twenty four hours, causing not a single moment of concern or interest in anyone on the face of the planet earth.

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Sidelined by GOP, Bush 43 works part-time at Food Co-op.

November 2, 2009
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CAMBRIDGE, MA— The employee-owners of the Harvest Food Co-op come from many different communities, many different walks of life. White and African American, Asian and Latino. Gay and Straight. Professional and working class.
They can now count a former US president among their number.
Early by ten minutes for the interview, I watched as Bush carefully chopped [...]

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Celebrity You’ve Never Heard of Does Something Nobody Should Notice

October 25, 2009

HOLLYWOOD—A celebrity you’ve never heard today did something that nobody on earth should give a flying fuck about. The celebrity may or may not have been intoxicated, having sex, operating a motor vehicle, or all of the above simultaneously. They may or may not have been wearing underwear, punching paparazzi, falling off motorcycles, setting themselves [...]

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Surge in ‘Useless Crap’ demand sparks hope of economic recovery

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NEW YORK— Increases in the consumption of several categories of non-durable goods during the last quarter have sparked hope amongst economists that the sluggish US economy may be on the rebound. Plastic dog feces, Offensive Greeting Cards, and penis-related merchandise top the list of ‘useless crap’ commodities trending upwards in the last three months.
“One of [...]

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Obama Awarded Peace Prize for Not Being Bush

October 9, 2009
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LONDON—The Nobel Committee gave the prize to President Obama less than a year after his election “for his extraordinary dissimilarity to former us “president” G.W. Bush.”

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Portraits for Social Media by Jay

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