WASHINGTON, DC.—In response to recent polling showing that a growing segment of America now believes that President Barrak Obama is both the antichrist, and an android, the President made the following statement at today’s White House press conference.
“I’m unconcerned. Our country is facing serious challenges right now, and I don’t want us to lose focus on what’s important, and get drawn into this kind of politics as usual moment.
“My religious faith is a deeply personal thing,” the President went on. “I worship secretly, in caves with a small group of black clad followers and close confidants. As far as anyone can tell, we’re worshiping Jesus. That is certainly what I’m telling you now.”
“I’m not saying that the concept of a Robot Antichrist isn’t biblically valid. A robot could, for example, go back and time and place a birth announcement into a Hawaiian Newspaper. Hypothetically. But such conjecture is surely a part of the politics of the past.”
I am a human being, not a Ceylon, and I am not the Beast foretold in Revelations. Frankly, I would find the whole thing kind of amusing, if my programming allowed me to experience that emotion.”
“But I’m kidding,” the President continued. “Seriously.”
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