WASHINGTON DC, Aug 13, 3:42 PM EDT (AP) — Citing the popularity and effectiveness of its ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program, President Obama today announced the ‘Cash for Sex’ Program, aimed at the nation’s inattentive wives, girlfriends, partygoers, and inadequate men.
“We know that the lost libido in many women involved in long term relationships has reached epidemic proportions, with 30-40% of women in their 40s reporting a lack of interest in sex. Romantic dinners and getaway weekends can only go so far in dealing with this problem, which some experts suggest may be behind many of our nation’s worst toupees, gas-guzzling muscle cars, and internet congestion.”
The president went on to describe a program where-in women could securely upload photos and videos of themselves having sex with husbands, boyfriends, or any other living human male. Each sex act would be reimbursed for up to $100.00 US, depending on the ‘wackablity’ of the photos and videos generated. Men would receive subsidized viagra prescriptions, and would have to participate in a national Registry for Sexual Inadequacy available to single women in the US and Canada.
Male spokespersons immediately lauded the plan in press-releases which threatened to overwhelm the White Houses mail servers–many from those who had previously scorned the perhaps-Keynan-born Obama.
“I have to say I’m flabbergasted. This is a truly great plan. I no longer care where Saddam Obama was born, or the color of his skin. For the duration of this plan I will again be proud to call myself American.”
The nation’s wives and girlfriends gave the plan mixed reviews. “There’s no Cash-for-putting-up-with-this-emotionally-unvailable-lazy-bastard-plan,” is there? commented Lavern Jackson, account rep for a Los Angeles based ad agency. Other wives noted that the plan wasn’t retroactive. “Why have I been having sex for years for free?” asked Kathy Horrouitz of Buffalo, NY. “Seriously. I feel fiscally violated.”
Congressional conservatives are also critics of the proposal. “How are we going to pay for this? The money won’t be coming out of the ‘needless-wars-of-choice-to-enrich-our-cronies’ appropriation, that’s for sure. Neither will our side of the aisle sacrifice a cent from our ‘Mulah for Millionaires’ program.” Senate democrats countered that increased funding for money-printing apparatus would be more than adequate to offset the program’s staggering projected cost.
In an informal poll conducted in a DC bus-station restroomon, congressional interns, pages, aministrative assistants, and delivery people were universally for the plan. Many reported the plan as designed would double their incomes. One bus-station restroom goer, the director of Northwestern University’s ‘Reaching Athletic Teens’ program wasn’t impressed.
“I am appalled at how this program is detracting from the debate over the president’s birth-certificate and insane rumors about healthcare reform. I have a wife who is more than attentive enough. There’s nothing in this plan for me.”
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This is a good idea. I support that thing.
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it